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    • 4 Communication Steps
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    • PDFS SEL Skills
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  • Home
  • Services
  • Road Map
  • Staff Communication
  • SEL Skills for Students
  • 4 Communication Steps
  • Theories of Practice
  • Collaborative Solutions
  • Building Buy-In
  • INSIDE SEL PROGRAMS
  • Recommended Resources
  • PDFS SEL Skills
  • Joan's Blog
  • Videos: Student Experts
  • Videos: School Leaders
  • Videos: IE Founders
  • PDFS Collaborative Sol.
  • PDFS Inter Neurobiology
  • Reference List
  • The Science
  • Invitational Education
  • eBooks
  • CHOOSING AN SEL PROGRAM
  • Complete Reference List
  • New Book
  • Intro Invitational Ed
  • PDFS: Invitational Ed

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KEY STRATEGY #1:

staff communication skills

The more another person’s behavior is not in harmony with my own needs, the more I empathize with them and their needs, the more likely I am to get my own needs met.              Marshall Rosenberg

Key #1: staff Communication Skills: A great Place to start

Mindful (Nonviolent) Communication Strategies

The greatest influence on school climate lies in the words and actions of our school adults. Typically, when educators work systemically on school climate they first try teaching social and emotional skills (SEL) to students or replacing a punitive, exclusionary discipline policy with one that supports collaborative solutions.  While both of these strategies are essential, neither one of them will actually succeed unless the adults in the school are modeling the words and empathic behaviors that we are trying to teach our students.  This includes all school administrators and all staff and how they communicate with their colleagues, students and parents.  


Communication skills are easily taught and developed.  The goal is not to "get someone to do something."  Rather, the goal of mindful/nonviolent communication is to become more aware of what we are thinking, feeling, and needing and how well we are listening with compassion for what matters most to others. Instead of judging, blaming or criticizing, we first tune into what others are feeling and wanting, confirm if we are understanding correctly, and then share what's important to us.  This sets the stage for making a request that would be received well, or developing a solution collaboratively.   


Observation, Feelings, Needs and Requests are the 4 steps of Mindful (NonViolent) Communication.   Marshall Rosenberg and Oren Sofer have contributed significantly to this approach, teaching it to the general public. Other work called "Empathic Communication" has been used in business and therapeutic trainings for decades.   Click on the link in the right-hand column to learn more about bringing these life-changing skills to your school.

Communicating without judgment or blame

When we use judgments to describe behavior we don't accept ,  we make it more challenging to communicate.  The poet Rumi once wrote, 


"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right-doing, there is a field.  I'll meet you there."  

                          (Rosenberg, 2017 p. 15)


Explore helpful documents and articles about Mindful/NVC Communication HERE.

Learn the 4 Steps of NVC/Mindful Communication

developing a School-wide approach to communicating

When we reflect on the social and emotional skills  we wish to teach our children, it becomes apparent that many of these positive behaviors are not modeled consistently by our school adults.  Actually, we should not be surprised.  Most of us have never been taught these skills directly.  Some of us were lucky enough to have grown up in caring families and classrooms where adults consistently modeled these positive behaviors, yet they likely were never labeled for us.  We simply copied the models we observed – the good and the not so good.  


Most educators will admit that intentionally empathic communication skills were never taught in any higher education degree program they completed.  We have left our teachers and school leaders to fend for themselves to find ways of communicating that work for them.  The result is a lot of inconsistent behavior by the adults in our schools.   As pressures mount we are often triggered by strong emotions ourselves, and then react literally without thinking, instead of noticing the emotions,  calming our minds, and responding more thoughtfully.  (READ THE SCIENCE behind this process.)


Some educators believe students will choose beneficial behaviors when they have the skills to do so.  Others believe some students purposely defy rules and expectations, so punitive consequences must be in place and used consistently.  Our messages, actions, and school policies are either supporting or thwarting the self-concept and success of our students and colleagues.


Learn More

"We judge others 

by their behavior.


We judge ourselves 

by our intentions."

                               Ian Percy

coming to consensus

Likely, your school has not yet established a COMMUNICATION APPROACH for its staff.  This is possible when people are introduced to, and practice mindful communication skills over a period of time.  As we experience success with a challenging dialogue at school or home,  we become motivated to learn and practice more, and encourage others to do the same.   


Some staff members might  feel so strongly about using mindful communication, that they will want all staff  to use it or even be required to do so.   It is best to let the process of consensus building take place, under the leadership of volunteer staff members, instead of making an administrative decision to require adoption.  Helping the staff COME TO CONSENSUS on any issue of importance takes time and trust in the process.  READ MORE about coming to consensus.

CONSENSUS BUILDING

No one person changes the school's climate, as the way we interact together creates a school where people feel able, valuable and responsible and are treated accordingly.


Great strides are made when all staff learn and work together.  Consensus building is a wonderful tool to help you.

The Basics of Consensus Decision Making

Key Point to ponder

Perception is meaning

We are actually not in charge of the meaning of the messages we communicate.  As the sender, we choose the words and bodily movements that are transmitted. However,  the person receiving our message is responsible for giving it meaning.  We need to carefully examine their verbal and non-verbal clues to determine how our message was received. When we communicate empathically, we  consider their feelings and needs and not just our own. 


This entire site is dedicated to helping you develop an inviting school, with COMMUNICATION  as the foundation for helping  everyone realize their potential. 

Remember...

The person receiving your message is responsible for giving it meaning.

take a "side trip" & dive deeper

Communication Resources

Invitational Education: Systemic School Change

Invitational Education: Systemic School Change

Visit Joan's Mindful Communication Resources for a deeper dive into developing skills and exploring the theories behind the practice.  Enjoy helpful PDFS, articles, books, and websites.

Communication Resources

Invitational Education: Systemic School Change

Invitational Education: Systemic School Change

Invitational Education: Systemic School Change

Over 400 schools around the world have adopted Invitational Education to foster sustained positive action, and create socially and emotionally safe schools.  Invitational Theory serves as the framework for Joan's school climate work.

Learn More

The Science of Relationships: Dan Siegel

The Science of Relationships: Dan Siegel

The Science of Relationships: Dan Siegel

Dr. Dan Siegel provides easy to understand explanations for how our brains work, and why people do what they do.  Brain science is opening up a huge door to addressing challenging behaviors more compassionately and productively.

Learn More

Student Interview Videos

The Science of Relationships: Dan Siegel

The Science of Relationships: Dan Siegel

High school students clearly articulate the influence that teacher messages have on their self-concept and choices of behavior.  They identify what helped them discover their strengths and turn around their approach to school.  

Watch now

The journey continues...

On to Key Strategies # 2 & #3

It is unreasonable to expect everyone to suddenly change the way they communicate.  However, when we explore new ways together, staff members (and parents) discover that they don’t need controls to “get someone to do something.”  Their needs and the needs of those they work with are met respectfully — simply because we’ve learned how to listen for the other person’s feelings and needs, and reflect on our own.  We discover a new way of interacting with others and our personal and professional relationships improve.  I’ve noticed that when someone has success applying these skills to challenges in their personal life, they are eager to use them consistently in their professional life. 


So, helping school adults to respond with curiosity and thoughtfulness when a student, parent or colleague says or does something that upsets them, is one of the most important SEL skills we can use in our personal and professional relationships. Staff Communication Skills also ensure that our efforts to respond to challenging behaviors will also be successful.


After exploring the Staff Communication information and  links on this page, the next destinations on our school climate journey will be Keys #2 and #3.


Next Learn About:


Key #2: SEL Lessons for Students 

Key #3: Collaborative & Proactive Discipline Strategies

Take it slow...

The world was not created in a day, and neither are people.   

                                 William W. Purkey








The next stop on your journey:

Key Strategy #2: 

SEL Lessons for Students.

Learn about Key #2: SEL Lessons for Students

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  • Home
  • Services
  • Road Map
  • Staff Communication
  • SEL Skills for Students
  • 4 Communication Steps
  • Theories of Practice
  • Collaborative Solutions
  • Building Buy-In
  • INSIDE SEL PROGRAMS
  • Recommended Resources
  • Joan's Blog
  • Videos: Student Experts
  • Videos: Research Experts
  • Videos: School Leaders
  • PDFS Collaborative Sol.
  • PDFS Inter Neurobiology
  • The Science
  • Invitational Education
  • eBooks