To deepen our skills when using the 4-Step NonViolent Communication Process, Oren Sofer suggests using three foundational steps which provide an overarching framework for skillful communication:
1. Presence: In order to give our full attention to someone you are speaking with, we need to ground ourselves, much like we do when practicing mindfulness. To put aside other thoughts, try focusing some of your attention on an anchor. Practice following your breath, feeling any sensation of gravity in your feet on the floor or the weight of your body on a chair, or noticing the sensations in your hands as they rest on your lap. By "anchoring" yourself in one of these ways before and during the conversation, you discover you can quickly redirect your attention back to what the other person is saying or feeling. Use this helpful skill to stay "present" whenever you feel your mind wandering to other thoughts or planning what you might say next.
2. Intention: Our intention is the motivation for the communication —where we are coming from. We often are driven by impulses to get what we want or make a point. Try instead to "come from curiosity and care." Focus on understanding the other person's feelings and needs, instead of on the outcome of the conversation.
3. Attention: While communicating, we sometimes find ourselves focusing on the other person's faults and making judgments. Listen instead, for what really matters to the other person and to yourself during the conversation. This helps us to create more understanding, collaboration, and problem solving. (Sofer, O. J., 2018, pp. 251-253).
To help you you develop your Mindful/NVC Communication skills, please enjoy Oren Sofer's book: Say what you mean: A mindful approach to nonviolent communication.
You'll also find articles and documents about Mindful Communication on our resource page: "MINDFUL/NVC COMMUNICATION: HELPFUL DOCS."